Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
