I'm so fucking centered right now
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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