she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
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My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
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How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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