My cat gives me a boner
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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