Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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