So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
