At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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