'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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