We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
