Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
