just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
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And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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