Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
