in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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