craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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