Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Your penis caused this!
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