Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
