Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
