Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
