counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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