Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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