I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
