Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
