I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize