I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
