Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
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the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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