My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the condom got lost in my hair
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
