I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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