I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
