How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
