The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
