and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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