girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
