just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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