So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
