we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
