Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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