I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
