her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
