last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
