Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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