Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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