You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
