I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
