My nipple is on Facebook.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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