It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
