Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
