Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
is that a dick in a sweater?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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