oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
