At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
