So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
