her vagine was all disorganized.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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