I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
