i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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