They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
