it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I should be sponsored by Trojan
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
