I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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