We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
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We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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