After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
