walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
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Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
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Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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