I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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