Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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