I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
