Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
